Revelations

After having thought for countless hours upon end on what morality really is, I think I’ve boiled it down to the most classified answer I can; morality is almost entirely ambiguous, and can only be truly identified in the mind of the beholder. Now, that may seem like a rather poor way to define it, but let me explain; each and every one of our actions is determined by what we call our morals. These decisions can range from meager to life changing, but they are all still judged by the same mindset every time, and there are no two mindsets that are akin to each other. Every living being faces different upbringing, different experiences, different molecular chemistry, and thus everything everyone does is perceived and responded to in a different way than the last. For a textbook definition, I’d wager one could say that morality is simply the code in which we all go by to do what we feel is right and wrong, but it will never be that simple to explain. Morality is still something that many of us struggle to wrap our minds around, and the more you attempt to, the more difficult it becomes to do so. As time marches on, other people’s morals become intertwined with yours, and bend your true wills. This may not seem much in the beginning, but over years and years of hearing what people have to say, and all of these moral codes swirling haplessly into one another, finally to converge and spout themselves forth when a difficult decision needs to be made, how easy is it to know what you truly stand for? Some think it’s moral to put another to death for what they have done, whereas others think this is the most prominent form of hypocrisy- there isn’t, and never will be a right answer, yet we still seek one out, settling for what we find to be best fit. Perhaps in death we will find out what was right and wrong, and maybe we will be given a chance to correct what we were falsified on, or maybe that’s just what I tell myself. Unfortunately, there is and will always be only one way to find out, and by then, it will be too late to unveil the truth. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\I always thought I was a deep thinker. Pretty often I notice myself slipping into daydreams about the way the world works, how humans tick, the after life, what’s really right and wrong When I have conversations with people and really get into my element, people say that it’s some of the most wild things they’ve heard in a long time, and ask if I get really high on the weekends and after school. My response never changes, always as disdainful as the first time, and sometimes they say charmingly that it’s really cool that I do stuff like this in my free time, and off they go with their days. It’s a bit encouraging, people taking the time out of their days to consider my thoughts, but I know that they never really resonate, or resonate positively if they do manage to last. I’ll see the same person the next day, maybe smile or wave at them at them, and they look back at me like I have four more arms coming out of my shoulders. I began to question myself after a while- what’s so different about me? Why am I the odd one out? It wasn’t until a few minutes after I sat down in this class that this all changed. This class made me realize I was right about myself- these are the questions I should be asking. It motivated me, inspired me, and most of all it encouraged me to embrace who I am. I’m not meaning to get gushy right now, but this class has made me see both my own world and the outside world in not a different light, but a far more powerful one than before. I can see further than I’ve ever seen before, and that opens up new opportunities and expands my horizons beyond all I’ve ever known. I’m grateful in the truest sense of the word, and I don’t think anybody should be passing up this opportunity- they may never get it again.

Nails

Another nail sinks;

Blood loss, faster and faster-

Can my heart take it?

Christ.

I've been thinkin' a lot lately.

About life, about death, about myself and about what people mean to me.

I think I need to take a walk.

A walk by myself- no diversions, no distractions, no directions.

Just me, my music, my thoughts, and the chilly, eternal embrace of mother nature.

I feel lost, shifted. Something on my inside is not quite where it should be, off kilter.

I'm hoping the walk will fix it, realign my chakra, per sè.

It's not like a depression, just a bit of a funk.

In due time.

Waxing Gibbous

Personal favorite moon phase and boy is it gorgeous right now. one more day till full, to those who are reading. if you're finding this later than the day it's being posted, 28 days from this post will bring you full circle. Add or subtract any till then if it's not exact.

Rain Storm

Pattering on the

Roof at night, it's a lovely

Sound, and sensation.

Music That Makes Me Feel Really Good-

•Classical Piano

•Delta Blues

•Cool Jazz

•Alt. Rock

•Techo

Good stuff.

Soliloquy

So much of me hurts lately.

Irony, spite, and disdain have all taken their fair share on my body and mind I hardly can take it anymore.

This breakup has taken more out of me than I thought it might- not that missing her is the issue, it's missing the trust people had for me and my relationship. All I wanted to prove was that love wasn't dead; it's apparent that I succeeded, as almost everyone near to me has found themselves fondly snuggled in with a significant other, except myself. I question as to whether or not I brought his upon myself or not, but knowing that they all swear their fealty to her makes matters no less punishing, as I've no choice but to wait it out. I'm not lustful in any regard, I just find it inconvienent that all of this negative emotion comes out of lack of someone to love. 

School isn't being overarching, but still stressful. I now just want to leave above all else- my days of being here have whittled me thin and dry and I'm ready to be elsewhere doing other things.

I do have some good news though, and that is that I'll be writing here quite a bit more. I came about the realization thag my ability to write is proficent in both my eyes and those of others, so why not embrace it?

...

I feel like I need to just tear myself open and see what's really going on. I'd imagine it's much colder and blacker within myself than it used to be, my soul still chugging along to hold the ship together though these rough waters. It's strength is variable, but still constant, and I don't know whether or not I should be thankful for that seeing as I am unsure if I control it. If I do, then I'd say I'm doing well. If not, I'm thanking my stars amd garters the poor bastatd hasn't thrown in the towel by now- it's been just over a year now of this, and it's still pulling though for me. That's saying something for sure, and again I'm not all too sure what it means. In due time I suppose.

More soon, I can guarantee it. Hopefully more positive stuff, seeing as this was probably a hike to get through. Speaking of which, sorry if I offended anybody, but look at the bright side- you've been referenced on the internet in a place ofher than social networking- be proud of that.