Soliloquy

So much of me hurts lately.

Irony, spite, and disdain have all taken their fair share on my body and mind I hardly can take it anymore.

This breakup has taken more out of me than I thought it might- not that missing her is the issue, it's missing the trust people had for me and my relationship. All I wanted to prove was that love wasn't dead; it's apparent that I succeeded, as almost everyone near to me has found themselves fondly snuggled in with a significant other, except myself. I question as to whether or not I brought his upon myself or not, but knowing that they all swear their fealty to her makes matters no less punishing, as I've no choice but to wait it out. I'm not lustful in any regard, I just find it inconvienent that all of this negative emotion comes out of lack of someone to love. 

School isn't being overarching, but still stressful. I now just want to leave above all else- my days of being here have whittled me thin and dry and I'm ready to be elsewhere doing other things.

I do have some good news though, and that is that I'll be writing here quite a bit more. I came about the realization thag my ability to write is proficent in both my eyes and those of others, so why not embrace it?

...

I feel like I need to just tear myself open and see what's really going on. I'd imagine it's much colder and blacker within myself than it used to be, my soul still chugging along to hold the ship together though these rough waters. It's strength is variable, but still constant, and I don't know whether or not I should be thankful for that seeing as I am unsure if I control it. If I do, then I'd say I'm doing well. If not, I'm thanking my stars amd garters the poor bastatd hasn't thrown in the towel by now- it's been just over a year now of this, and it's still pulling though for me. That's saying something for sure, and again I'm not all too sure what it means. In due time I suppose.

More soon, I can guarantee it. Hopefully more positive stuff, seeing as this was probably a hike to get through. Speaking of which, sorry if I offended anybody, but look at the bright side- you've been referenced on the internet in a place ofher than social networking- be proud of that.